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Me in my empty office during one of my last weeks at the office full-time.
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Life bring so much change. Fall brings so much change. Motherhood brings so much change.
Three years ago last week, I returned to work from my first maternity leave. It was so hard leaving my baby boy but I was comforted by the fact that he was home with his daddy, my husband for the next five and a half months. That made nine months with a parent at home.
So, when it came time to go back to work after my second maternity leave, I felt less sad about returning to work (I knew my fears about being forgotten or not loved wouldn’t happen) but I did feel a pang of guilt that this little guy wouldn’t have a parent home with him for as long as his big brother did. I had been home with him just four months. Thankfully, he and his big brother would be staying with my mom, so I did not feel too bad.
My feelings about wanting to step away from a linear career path came up after I had my firstborn. When I calculated the time during the week I would spend away from him (55 hours/week) versus the time with him (10-15 hours/week). It broke my heart. It did not seem fair. It did not seem right. I had irrational thoughts of just quitting but with my pay being our sole source of income, I obviously could not do that. I had a baby now and I had to be as responsible as ever. Quitting would have been irresponsible.
I knew I had to step away somehow from my career after that first leave parting from my firstborn.
I spent time pondering and thinking what I could do but eventually I got into the swing of things at work. Then, my cousin got sick and it put things into perspective for me. Hours away from my kid(s) was not the worst thing in the world. There were worse things… But then, as I saw her slipping away, I kept thinking about time.
Time: we can’t get it back. We can’t buy more of it. Time just passes, and I’ve always wanted to make the most of my time, especially now as a mom.
However, it wasn’t until returning from my second maternity leave parting from both of my babies that I decided it could actually be done. An opportunity presented itself that I could not stop thinking about. I had to do it. I had to take a risk and step aside from my linear career path.
Deep down, I knew it would be okay. I do not have to be a lawyer just because I went to law school. I do not have to do anything I did not want. I can do whatever I want as long as I have a plan and I am being responsible. Besides, my law degree and law licenses will still be there. My time home with my kids will not always be a possibility. They’ll be heading to full-time school soon enough.
I’m happy and proud to say three years later, I’ve done it. My plan has come to fruition. I have a management position that I can work remotely to maximize time with my babies. While I am not in an attorney position, this feels like the best case scenario for what my heart desired. This was years in the making, and each of my babies helped me grow in this direction. I’m forever grateful to be their mama and embracing the adventure that it is.
I never know what tomorrow will bring but I know I am enjoying this adventure.
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| I took my kids to work with me in April. |
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