A few days ago on a night when Seb was waking up more frequently than usual, my patience had thinned. I was exhausted and really did not want my sleep to be disturbed–again. It’s tough not being able to sleep a full night and then having to wake up and go to work for a full day. Every day.
My husband noticed and he took over because that’s what great partners do–they pick up the slack or swoop in as needed. The next morning I was sad that I had been impatient. I felt selfish and quite frankly, like a bad mom. I often wake up every night with him so I could spend more time with him since I work so I felt guilty that I hadn’t. I hugged and kissed on him lots the next day because I always want him to know that he is so, so loved. Loved beyond measure of time and words.
Fast forward a couple of evenings and he started babbling “Mamamama!” My heart felt like it could burst. He kept repeating it, sometimes just once. “Mama.” It’s a word I’d longed to hear. It’s a role I’ve wanted ever since I could remember. And here I am, fortunate enough to be his mama. Disrupted sleep and all.
Then, a few nights ago, we spent the night apart from my husband so he could do some things around our home. I put Seb to sleep; changed his diapers; and did both of his feedings on my own. This time, I was almost surprised at how patient and energized I was during each feeding. My mama self showed. up.
Basically, I think we each have to be patient and understanding with motherhood but also, and maybe especially, with ourselves. We’re human and we have needs, too. I’ve found when I’m patient with myself then I can be a better, more present and less stressed mom. I don’t have to be perfect–that’s unattainable–I just have to try my best for him and know that sometimes MY best won’t be THE best. And that’s okay. My love is always at its best, and that goes a long way.
Patience is certainly key! I always love your posts about motherhood because they are so true.