Moments of Musing

I’m a “Hopeless Romantic” …but I Don’t Believe in Soul Mates

Filed Under: Marriage //

I am a hopeless romantic and always root for love and for (healthy) relationships to work out. I love my husband—even when he annoys me to no end. I love long walks on the beach together, waking up early to watch the sunrise together and going on dates, etc. 

I truly believe my husband and I were meant to meet when we did and that everything happens for a reason. I believe it’s no coincidence he shares the same birth date as my dad and that we met on the anniversary of his grand mother’s (whose name was my absolute favorite at the time) death. 

When we met, there was a feeling, a spark of some sort. It’s hard to put into words just how it felt. But I knew something was different. And so did he — I mean he did reschedule his flight three times. 

It’s almost as if we just knew that we were it. But life has a way of happening and such, so there were doubts, as well, especially from all others who thought we were crazy to have met in Vegas. After all, I’m sure you know that famous Vegas tagline…

Still, we made it work. There were flowers, packages, presents, sad “see you laters” and serendipitous “hellos.” Our long distance days were really tough but they were also magical. I truly felt like I was living my favorite love story. Those days most definitely set a strong foundation for our marriage. 

Despite my homeless romanticism and love for my husband, I do not believe in soul mates. I don’t think I ever have. Here’s why: 

The idea of soul mates is too perfect given the complexities of human beings. 

As articulated in a recent TIME article, 

[T]he term ‘soulmate’ can be dangerous. It can connote perfectionism — and perfection in relationships is essentially unattainable. ‘If you believe in soulmates, then you are less likely to work through [problems] because this person was supposed to be perfect and everything was supposed to be easy,’ [psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.] says. But being able to confront conflict as a couple is imperative to growing a healthy relationship, he added.


Relationships take work… lots and lots of work. There are disagreements, arguments, varying opinions and so on. Each partner is uniquely their own person and neither one is perfect. To me, if soul mates existed, none of this would be true. Instead, relationships would be perfect.  

While I don’t believe in soul mates, however, I do believe in fate and being the loves of each other’s lives.  I believe in love — true, everlasting, worth-all-the-work love. I believe in it because of what my husband and I have. 

This life we’ve built, the memories we’re creating and our boys we’ve made … they are worth all the work and more. 

Why I Write

Filed Under: blogging, life, writing //

Writing became an outlet for me during my then-boyfriend/now-husband’s career. I felt lonely and missed him and sometimes sulked that we were living two separate, very different lives. I was in law school and he was an ocean away working for the Navy. 

So I wrote to simply express my feelings. My very first post was secretive, short and to the point (and not very well-written…). Since then, I’ve catalogued my life and our life together in much greater detail. 

These days, I write for similar reasons (as an outlet, to express myself and to connect with readers and others) but I also write with a more pointed reason in mind: for my legacy. I want to give my kids (and their kids and so on) something from me that captures part of the essence of who I am, what I think, and what I do. 

Sure, photos capture moments and memories. But words capture feelings in a way that photos can’t.


I want my boys to know how much I thought of them and loved them and have no doubt they’re my world. They’ll be able to tell that from the way I treat them, and from my smile and look in my eyes in photos of us together. 

But they’ll also know because I am writing and telling them so.

And so I share my writing on this little corner of the internet…that will hopefully survive the test of time and not be lost, like, say, a journal could be. 

Thank you for reading my writing. 

Tidying Up – Our Linen Closet

Filed Under: home decor, tidying up //

Happy Monday! I am home today feeling under the weather but that’s not surprising to me since both the boys have had colds. I am just ready to get better and to feel 100% again!

Over the weekend, I was feeling a bit anxious on top of feeling sick. Winter is not my favorite season because of the hibernation that goes with it. I’d much rather spend my days outside with the kids than inside day after day. Don’t get me wrong— l love our home but after a couple days I start to get cabin fever.

As I was approaching Day 3 of being home, I started to feel down. I was feeling overwhelmed with motherhood (sleep had been minimal due to teething and fevers) and all the house work that needed to be done. Some days, I feel like our home is so disorganized and I am quite disappointed that we’ve let it get like this. I understand it might seem extreme or out of left field because to others, our home might look put together. However, that’s because it usually does when we have houseguests…unless you look into our closets, which is where we hide our disorganization!


Being a dual working home without a maid, it’s hard to find time to get everything in order. Admittedly, house work usually falls last on our weekend to-do list, which also consists of relaxation, quality time together, and grocery shopping. That’s mainly because it feels like a never-ending daunting task.

So, on Saturday, I decided to start the Marie Kondo Netflix show “Tidying Up.” A few minutes into the very relatable first episode (a family of four), I was hooked. I started planning my tidying projects right then.

*Before I get to my current state of tidying up, I should explain that clutter gives me anxiety. I don’t know when it really began but I remember the first time I realized it.

CLUTTER & THE ANXIETY IT GIVES ME

When Tim and I lived in Chicago—really any time pre-parenthood—we had MUCH less stuff and therefore we were much better organized. It was in Chicago, actually, that I realized disorganization and clutter brought on anxiety for me.  Tim’s belongings from Hawaii arrived while I was at work so surprised was an understatement as to how I felt when I got home that day. I took one look around and went into our kitchen and started internally freaking out. Needless to say, I encouraged him to part ways with much of his things that he would not be using. Looking back, I feel a little bad I did that but we donated the items, which is what I do with 99% of the things we part ways with, so it went to people who would have a purpose for them.

BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE

I think my favorite part of Marie Kondo’s KonMari method is the newfound appreciation for things we already own. For example, prior to tidying up our linen closet, my first project, I thought we needed more shower curtains. When I reorganized, I realized we have more than enough so I didn’t feel the urge to go out and buy more. I was actually appreciative of the ones we already have. I am almost embarrassed to admit that I also found a Christmas present I’d hidden in the closet but forgot about because it was covered! S was excited when I gifted it to him while cleaning thmy closet out haha (He tidied the living room by moving his toys into the play room while I tidied the closet!)

TIDYING UP OUR LINEN CLOSET

My first area in the house I wanted to tackle was the linen closet. Clothing was a close-second but I figured it’s best to get ALL of our laundry done so we can pile every piece of clothing onto our bed to see what we have. (I already anticipate feeling overwhelmed at that part.) The linen closet is a place I look into daily, so seeing it organized would help me a lot. I did what Marie suggested and took everything out. It all looked like a mess but I felt okay because I knew progress was being made! I then got storage bins from around the house that we weren’t using (I eventually want to change them to wicker baskets). I separated all of the items in the closet — embarrassingly, everything was all over the place as you can see in the “Before” photo. As you can see, I have separated the items, rolled them (instead of folding in a stack) and can now find things with ease. I also brought up two to three bags on unfolded laundry that were household items, which was a relief, and made a pile of things to give away or toss.



This was very therapeutic for me. Just ask my husband–I was raving about the process to him. He’s even watched a bit of the show with me and is on board! It truly feels like a weight has lifted. I feel more in charge of our household items and I am ready to tackle our clothing now!

Motherhood is Messy

Filed Under: motherhood //

Thank you Vanity Fair® Napkins for sponsoring this post. Take on everyday messes with Vanity Fair® Extra Absorbent Napkins!

When I was a little girl, I loved playing “Mommy” to my dolls. I always knew I wanted to be a real life mommy one day. Now that I am a mom, I admire my own mom so much more.

Motherhood is hands-down the best and most challenging experience I’ve encountered. There is nothing like it.

The love and happiness is unmatched. Heck, sometimes I think my heart could actually burst with how much love I feel. There is, however, no how-to handbook or model rules. No two days are the same and each child and each relationship with each child differs, as well. I pretty much learn as I go and hope my kids realize I am trying my best.

 If I am being honest, I am pretty hard on myself (in many aspects of life). Most nights, I silently promise myself and my kids I will try harder the next day — to be more patient, to stay off my phone more, to check my emails less. A lot of times I vent to my husband or mom and they often make me feel much better.

Still, there are times I feel like a mess, and probably look like one, too… My emotions are all over the place — happy, sad, upset, defeated, elated, amazed and in love. My wardrobe while home consists of sweats and t-shirts… many times covered in spit up. My hair is almost always in what’s been dubbed the “mom bun.” And I lose count of the number of diapers I change and/or trips to the potty I take in a day.

Mealtime is messy, too. When my toddler was younger, he would fling food from his high chair. That is something I am not looking forward to with our baby. These days, there are the struggles of figuring out what to feed my toddler for lunch and dinner. (Breakfast is the meal for which he has the widest pallet.) If I ask him, he will almost always request chicken nuggets or pizza. Both really healthy, I know. And if we try to put a vegetable on his pizza or as a side with his chicken, it will be taken off or put to the side. He’s witty. So I am constantly wondering how I could make vegetables seem more appealing to him.

During and after meal times, I am often sweeping up crumbs, reminding my toddler to wipe his face and hands, and cleaning up messes. Toddlers aren’t the neatest, in case you were wondering. Recently we used Vanity Fair® Extra Absorbent Napkins. They are surprisingly thick and soft. In fact, they are more absorbent than paper towels (when compared to the leading mid-tier paper towel brand)! I’ll take all the help I can get when it comes to keeping mealtime mess-free. Thankfully, mealtime with my little ones is a breeze with these napkins on hand.

 As for my own personal experience with the messy side of motherhood, I am learning to accept it as common and embrace it with open arms.

I know that even just caring about my kids’ happiness, teaching them things, and cleaning up their messes– makes me a good mom.

To My Second-Born

Filed Under: baby #2, Baby L, motherhood, second-born //


R,

I always knew I wanted you. Being a mom was always my ultimate life goal. Being a mom to more than one baby was always my dream. Thank you for making my dream a reality. 

I must admit, however, that I was anxious for much of my pregnancy with you. 

I was scared I wouldn’t know how to love you — not because I didn’t want to but because I was not yet aware of how much love my heart could hold.


But then with just one cry, you showed me. It just happens. Just like that. My heart instantly made room for you, as if it had that special place for you all along. 


I also grieved for much of my pregnancy with you. A special person you didn’t get a chance to meet passed just a little over a month shy of your birth. You helped me (and everyone, really) during those moments so much. You gave me hope. You gave me happiness. You taught me that life is a precious gift and you gave us all something to almost immediately look forward to. 

Despite my worries, I also felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t during my first pregnancy. 

And oh, meeting you was pure bliss. You showed me it was possible to love you just as fiercely and without bounds, as I love your big brother (oh how he adores you! We are excited to watch you two grow alongside one another.). You have also shown me that our bond would be unique to us—just as is the bond between your brother and I. And you’ve made me a much more confident mom. 

So, thank you. Thank you for being ours. Thank you for being adorable, cuddly, smiley you and making our transition to two under two easier. 

Thank you making me a better mommy and more well-rounded me. 

Thank you for making our world more complete. 

You have been a blessing and a joy. To be your mom has been a blessing and a joy. Simply put, I couldn’t imagine a life without you. 

I love you beyond time, measure and words, baby boy, and look forward to watching you grow… but feel free to take your time. Because I now know just how fast time goes and I want to cherish your baby years as much as I can. 

With a love (so much) greater than love,
Mama