Moments of Musing

The “B” word (the wedding kind)

Filed Under: wedding planning //

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Happy Wedding Wednesday! It’s been forever since I’ve posted anything wedding planning and wedding-related but I realize I’ve never written about this:

So you got engaged and you’ve set a date. What now? The budget is probably the most important wedding planning logistic. 

A recently-engaged friend of mine asked me about how much a wedding costs. This is difficult to answer because everyone’s budget and location is different, and location matters a lot (i.e. the average wedding in NYC costs $78,464 versus $19,522 in Arkansas). I advised her to think about vendors, to utilize the Knot’s price range tool, and not to be shy to ask for any sort of discounts that might apply to you. Hey, 10% is 10% and it surely adds up when each of your vendors is offering it to you.

Think about what vendors you want to use and what your budget for each is. If family is helping you financially, be sure to find out what their budget is, too, so you don’t go in over your head. 

When thinking of the many vendors, the main ones I was sure to book first were:
Venue
Bridal boutique/dress store
Ceremony location, if different from venue
Photographer(s)
Videographer(s)
Florist
Photo Booth, etc.
Then there are the other moving pieces:
Wedding Cake (this is sometimes included in the venue package)
Decor, DIY projects, etc.
Bridal/Groom Party Presents
Rehearsal Dinner 
Favors

It is SO easy to go overboard and over budget. 45% of couples do. So, my #1 piece of advice would be to be very mindful of your budget and try your very best to stay within it (after all, the most important aspect of the day is the marriage, not the wedding). You won’t regret it.

*1K Giveaway*

Filed Under: giveaway, Monday //

I know it’s Monday and all but there are still reasons to be excited:

  • Despite the cold weather, it’s the first day of spring. 
  • My next two work weeks are short thanks to upcoming vacations! 
  • I’ve gotten so much love from so many people since relaunching the blog!
  • I’ve recently hit 1,000 followers on instagram.
  • To celebrate, I’m co-hosting a giveaway for a personalized onesie:

Rules:
1. Follow me (@momentsofmusing) on instagram
2. Follow @kailrhinedesigns on instagram
3. Tag a friend in the instagram giveaway photo comments


Prize:
Credit for a basic (non-glitter) personalized onesie by @kailrhinedesigns.

Terms:
You do not have to be a parent to enter. You can gift the onesie to a family member or friend’s baby. 😉 You must, however, be 18 years of age or older to enter. This giveaway will close Friday, March 24, 2017 at 11:59PM EST.

Enter now! What better way to kick off the week?

And now I’m off to check on my little snoozing baby. 
(Onesie made by Kail)

    The art of “Adulting”

    Filed Under: life, perspective, positivity //

    Some days I’m on my A-game. I make myself breakfast, eat it while reading the news or blogs, shower, and make it out the door on time.

    Other days, I eat a boiled egg in the shower and rush around afterwards like a chicken with its head cut off to make it out the door.

    Some days I beam at my baby’s progress. Other days I cry hysterically because it makes me both happy and sad.

    Some days I do all the dishes–other days, I leave all the dishes for my husband to do.

    Sometimes I’m compassionate and other times not so much. 

    On all of the days, I am trying my best to be my best and do my best.

    Basically, there are times I have it together — like super mom/human together — and I “adult” really well. I open all my mail. I fold the laundry and put it away. I stay off my cell phone.

    And then there are times I can’t find two matching socks for the life of me. I press the snooze button again and again (like I did this morning). I want to cry when I miss my train home after a long day away from my baby. I forget my office phone number (#mombrain is real). The laundry is in piles. And brushing my teeth before bed feels more like a chore than it feels refreshing.

    It sometimes feels like those not-so-together days are more common… but isn’t that just being a human? What really is “adulting”? Our bills are paid on time (thanks, Autopay), We’re all healthy and our son is well taken care of. At the core of it all, isn’t THAT the most important?

    So if “adulting” is trying/ seeming to have it all “together” while really just living and figuring out life, then sign me up. Besides, who really has it all together, all of the time, anyway?

    The bright side of snow

    Filed Under: perspective, positivity //

    It snowed here in New York City on Friday and there is a blizzard warning for tomorrow. I know, I know… Snow a couple of weeks before Spring is set to begin is far from ideal but look at the bright side (mostly for those lucky enough to stay home):


    * You can finally catch up on that TV series or watch that new movie you’ve been wanting to see but have been putting off. 

    * The snow falling is so pretty to look at. It’s rather calm, quiet and peaceful. In a way, it’s soothing. Snuggle up by a window with your coffee or hot cocoa and just watch it as it falls. For those who have to work: get yourself to a window and look outside for a few moments. 
    * A snow day or two might give you just enough time to get through a book you’ve been interested in reading. So, grab a blanket and a book, and read your little heart out.
    * For those lucky enough to stay home, you can stay in bed longer. That, my friends, is always coveted, especially after Daylight Savings, is it not?!
    * For those who have a snow day, you’re home from work/school! Do an activity (baking, crafting, etc.) you enjoy. Spend time with your kids. Have a date night in with your partner or a friends night with your roommate and/or pals. There’s still fun to be had, people! 🙂
    * Go outside. Play in it. Be a kid again. Let your guard down. Put your grumpiness away. Focus on the good and choose to be happy–it’ll make for a much better day, snow and all. 
    Wishing you all a safe and warm few days ahead! 

    The taboo baby blues

    Filed Under: motherhood, postpartum //

    Last week marked eight months since Sebastian was born. These have been the fastest and absolute best eight months of my life thus far. Thinking back, the very beginning of motherhood was very different than I had imagined it to be. To be honest, I don’t know if I had a particular “picture” of what it’d look like but I certainly know how I expected to feel. And that didn’t really line up with reality for a little while.

    Though there is little talk about postpartum depression, in my experience, there is even less about the baby blues. In fact, I didn’t even know what they were until much after I’d experienced them.  

    All I know is my baby was one week old and I was hysterically crying…


    It felt as though suddenly, I became a mom and I cared about and loved another person so much more than I’ve cared and loved anything and yet, I also didn’t feel so great.

    My thoughts were quite irrational and extreme (though never about harming myself or my baby) and my feelings were overwhelming. As I (hysterically) cried after taking the baby’s One Week photos, I turned to my husband and asked him if all the crying I’d been doing was normal.



    He asked, “They’re happy tears, right?” 

    “Well, yeah,” I replied. 

    The truth is they were happy/ sad/ scared/ anxious/ nervous/ elated/ love-filled tears. And there had been lots of them leading up to then and lots that would follow. I was just feeling SO MANY different emotions. 


    Love … SO much of it that my heart felt like it could almost burst

    Sadness that time was flying so quickly

    Frustration with my husband for not parenting the same exact way as me

    Shame about having a C-section and having pain during recovery but trying to overcome that pain


    Nervousness about how to care for a newborn and how to calm his (what felt constant at times) crying

    Awe at the blessing of my baby and getting to be his mom

    Anxiety at the thought that I would help shape him into the person he will grow up to be

    Fear that I would have little control over his external life forces

    Guilt that breastfeeding was such a challenge and that I sort of resented it

    Exhaustion due to lack of sleep and food (my appetite was pretty nonexistent for a bit)

    Wonder about how I could still live a fun life and complete regret, shame and guilt that I was concerned about this at all (I still feel bad even admitting this)
    None of the birth classes we attended, articles I read, or research I did truly prepared me for this new adventure. I had to live it to truly learn it. That wasn’t something I was used to–not being in control or prepared felt foreign. One of the only things I did know was that something just wasn’t right with my emotions–but the weight of them felt foreign, too.

    While I was pretty unaware of the “baby blues” and felt isolated in my feelings, they are actually pretty common. According to the American Pregnancy Association, approximately 70-80% of all new mothers experience some negative feelings or mood swings after the birth of their child. It is thought to be related to the hormonal changes (they rise higher during pregnancy than any other time in a woman’s life and then plummet after giving birth) we go through during and following childbirth. Other changes, including the amount of adjustment that comes after the birth of a baby, along with sleep disturbance, disruption of “routine”, and emotions from the childbirth experience itself can also contribute to how a new mom feels. 

    Speaking about mental health is taboo, it is not much different with this topic. There is still a stigma about feeling sad after having experienced such a beautiful thing–the birth of your baby– and societal pressure to only feel happy about becoming a mom. It is important–and I believe necessary–to have a conversation about this, though. Because juggling all these feelings can be downright scary. I just want all new mamas to know it’s okay to not feel okay; you’ll get through it; and to reach out for help because you’ve got more people in your corner than you probably realize. 

    You’re not broken; 

    you’ve done nothing wrong; and 

    you are not alone.

    Thankfully, over time, my emotions seemed to get themselves in check. I started worrying less. My husband and I stopped bickering as much. I became more confident in myself and my ability to be a mom.  Ultimately, I started to feel more like my normal self, just a different version… And I actually like this version more.


    ***DISCLAIMER: There is a difference between baby blues and postpartum depression. I am not a therapist or doctor nor do I claim to be. This post is comprised of my individual opinions, and not meant to convey professional medical or mental health advice. This post is not about depression or suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know may be suffering from postpartum depression, contact a doctor. If you are having dangerous thoughts, contact help immediately. The  National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1 (800) 273-8255.***