Moments of Musing

Mompowered

Filed Under: inspiration, motherhood, motivation //

Happy March! March is Spring’s month, and therefore, symbolizes a month of new beginnings. Fresh starts. Change. This is also the first day of Women’s History Month. So, what better day than today to re-launch my blog, which celebrates all things woman, mom, wife, and more? It has a new name, Moments Of Musing (M.O.M.), new(ish) look and facebook page. 

Though it feels scary to put my words out there for all to read, it’s also freeing. I have my baby boy and my always-supportive family, especially my husband and brother, to thank for giving me the courage.
Becoming a mom has been the most rewarding (and tiring…but that’s neither here nor there) life experience thus far, and I’m confident it will not be topped. Last week, I got home from work a bit exhausted but pushed that exhaustion aside to play with my baby; soothe him when he was crying because he was tired; lay next to him until he fell asleep for his nap; and then immediately missed him while he slept and pretty much stared at him until he woke up. 

…How quickly my feelings had shifted from being centered around my exhaustion to being centered around the most important person in my life–my son. That night was just another reminder that as exhausting as it may be and as guilty as I may sometimes feel, I know deep in my core that I was born to be a mom. 

That I will love being a mom more than all else. And that I am a great mom. These realizations of my ability, worth, and love have been groundbreaking. When stress feels unbearable, just looking into my baby’s eyes takes it all away and grounds me. He has that effect. Motherhood has had that impact. To make me realize that the unimportant really is unimportant and the important that much more valuable. 

Of all the hats I’ve worn, “Mom” has become the most exciting and empowering one. I grew a human, care for him, provide for him, and I am responsible for helping to mold him into the person he will become. I don’t know of a greater privilege and honor than that. I truly don’t think one exists.

It’s no surprise that since becoming a mom, motherhood has become my #1 writing topic, so I wanted my blog to reflect it more. It feels more authentic this way. I will still be writing about non-motherhood topics, as well, so don’t worry if you’re not a mom! I don’t want you to feel left behind or left out… that’s the last thing I want. ❤

It is my sincere wish that all of you who are reading–moms or not–trust yourselves enough to know that you are good enough, not just for motherhood but for ANYTHING. After all, our greatest powers lie within us.

Be sure to follow along on facebook and instagram 🙂 As always, thank you for reading. 

Give yourself grace, not guilt

Filed Under: motherhood //

Last night was rough. As was the night before. I got home around 6:45PM both nights after my usual 1.5 hour commute (don’t get me started on that), played with Sebastian, ate dinner and then bam! Whining and crying time. I had such a headache/migraine and desperately wanted a nap… I swear I’m an adult…just some days warrant naps, ya know? In an ideal world anyway. I digress. A nap didn’t happen, though, because I also want to spend as much time as I can with him while he’s awake. (#workingmomproblems) 
So, a migraine + a crying baby who’s tired and teething but won’t nap + a 1-2 hour bedtime routine = 
ONE EXHAUSTED MAMA. 
Life sure is not a piece of cake. Then again, no one has ever sold me that story. As a little girl growing up, though, it seemed relatively simple in my head. A couple meets, dates, falls in love, marries, and has kids. One parent works. The other stays home. Eventually, the kids go to school, and so on. And they all live happily ever after, of course. 

If I’m being honest, which I try to always be on here, it wasn’t until college when I realized that it most likely would not happen that way for me. I just started to really set real life goals and such in college, and so I realized my life wouldn’t be what I’d pictured when I was younger (disclaimer: it’s actually been better…stressful…but definitely better). Life is complex and murky and it is so much more than a storybook fairy tale. That does not mean it’s bad–I’m not saying that. If you know me, you know I believe life is so good and that there is good all around us. 

Life’s demands do test my emotions, though. There are still days I want to stay home with my baby boy and snuggle him all day, and when I am at work I hold back tears of missing him. There are moments when I want to just go on a date with my husband but that takes much more planning nowadays. There are times I look forward to my commute so I can have some alone time and read a book. I enjoy being at work doing what I love to do. I take pride in being a “go-getter”… but then I feel sad about all the hours I spend away from home. It all comes full circle. Instead of being hard on myself for feeling these ways, however, I realize these feelings are all very normal. I’m learning not to feel bad about having feelings and taking care of my needs. 
First and foremost, I am human. And so are you. 
So, I am not a bad mom for wanting to get some extra sleep whenever I can and being stressed when I can’t. Or for wanting to excel in my profession. Or for setting aside time for my husband and our marriage. I’m not a bad wife for not having as much time for husband as I did pre-parenthood. And I’m not a bad employee for wishing I was home with my husband and son. (Neither are you!) In fact, I know I’m a good great mom, wife, etc. (You are too!) And in order to be one, I must practice self-care. I must give myself some leeway. I must recognize the importance of my own physical and emotional health and happiness. 
After all, I have to be at my best to be the best. Mom, wife, daughter, and so on. And so to every mama — or anyone, really– who is hard on her or himself while juggling life’s many demands and/or wearing many hats, I say to you: 
Give yourself the credit you deserve.
Give yourself grace, not guilt.
You’re doing your best and that’s what matters.

Love where you live

Filed Under: Brooklyn, home //

After reading this post by Chelsea last week, the part about loving where you live stayed with me. My husband and I often discuss where we’ve lived and whether we are where we truly want to be. He is used to moving around every few years since he was in the military. I have lived in a bunch of places (Penn State, Barcelona, Chicago, Hawaii) but home is and always has been NYC. 
So when we talk about whether we should stay here or move to a hotter city by the beach, or whether we should stay put, it’s always a debate. I often ask myself: Am I happy here? Do I love where I live? The short, easy answer: Yes. And while it’s more complicated that that, I think holding onto what I do love is most important. 

Because what good would it be to dwell on the negatives? After all, no matter where I’ve lived there have been things I didn’t like. At Penn State, I couldn’t find Spanish food ingredients. In Barcelona, I was the most homesick I’ve ever been, which I suppose is normal after moving to a foreign city I’d never before visited. In Hawaii, I felt so far away and isolated from the rest of the world. In Chicago, I was lonely without my husband (for a year) but then still really missed my family and best friends when he did join me… I did love each of those places more than I disliked any one thing, though, so there’s that. 
No matter where I’ve been (whether it be a a physical place or a stage in life),I’ve learned that loving where I am makes me happy to be there. Now that I’m a mom, having and giving off positive energy is more important than ever. I wouldn’t want my child(ren) to resent where we live based on fleeting negative opinions of mine. 
Basically, we’re here, I love that we are, and I really do want to appreciate it (especially, because I know “the grass is always greener on the other side” rings true). So after reading Chelsea’s post, I did some thinking and realized I need to be outside and exploring parts of the city I like more. I was pretty intentional this weekend about our plans. We took advantage of the nice weather  and we spent time exploring outside at the park and in DUMBO, a super cute (and recently popular) area in Brooklyn with a view of Manhattan. 
And let me tell you, it made me fall in love with the city we call home all over again.

I’m a formula-feeding mama.

Filed Under: fed is best, motherhood //

Yesterday was one of Seb’s routine doctor’s visits. “He grew really nicely this last month,” the nurse told us. We smiled and the doctor (my and my brother’s pediatrician growing up!) chimed in, “You’re doing a great job, parents.” “We’re trying our best,” I said. “Well, you’re doing great.”

It might sound silly but in that moment I felt really proud. Feeding, growth and development are always on my mind. When I got pregnant I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding. It wasn’t something done, and if so-spoken about, in my family so I didn’t know much about it. Aside from the fact that I wanted to do it. I viewed it as THE be all-end all of feeding. (Kind of how I viewed natural birth…and we all know God had different plans about that.) The preferred method. How to best bond with my baby.

There’s been so much literature going around about its benefits and there’s a relatively modern movement surrounding it and its acceptance in public places. I read about it and I was happy to eventually know I was producing towards the end of my pregnancy. One less thing to worry about, I thought to myself. 

I was ready to take it on! Except when I wasn’t. For me, latching wasn’t the problem–it was the excruciating pain. Sebastian was in tears wanting to be fed, and I was in tears because of the pain and my inability to withstand it. I googled about the pain and read it could last weeks but then would subside. How horrible, I thought, it would be to resent this process and feeding my baby, though. And so we had just been home from the hospital for a few hours at that point when I yelled/cried/told my husband, “PLEASE JUST GO BUY FORMULA!” It seems dramatic… but that’s what happened.

And that’s how and why we started formula feeding and pumping…until I eventually stopped. Cue the guilt. For all of it. But you know what? I’ve since come to embrace formula-feeding. It gives me so much more freedom, involves my husband more, does not hurt me, and does not make me resent feeding my baby in any way whatsoever. 

I’m confident that Seb and I are bonding just as much as we would have and quite frankly as much as we possibly can. Plus, as my husband put it: there’s so much more to being a good mom and parent than breastfeeding. I gave up coffee and restricted my diet during pregnancy to be as healthy as possible. I try to wake up in the middle of the night for feedings to spend some time with Seb then since I work. We read to him, listen to classical music with him, play with him and practice developmental exercises with him. We limit his exposure to electronic devices and he doesn’t really watch TV.  

These days, I no longer care what people (see: mainly other moms) think when I pour formula into his bottle in public. All I know is he’s happy, loved beyond measure, well fed and growing… and really, that’s all I could ask for. We’re all just trying to be the best for our kids and there are, in fact, a lot of different ways to be the “best” for them. Your parenting decisions are yours. Just as ours are ours… And we’re pretty proud of them so far. 🙂


A love like this

Filed Under: Uncategorized //

You won’t hear me complaining about today being just another day or simply a Hallmark holiday. Valentine’s Day has always been a favorite holiday of mine. It wasn’t about romantic love until I was much older. Growing up, it was about the love of family and friends, which I believe are foundational and deserve to be celebrated. So I’m excited to celebrate with my husband, our newest little love, and family.

This year is extra special because it’s our first as parents. Through it all, my husband has shown me how strong of a love we have–after all, it gave us our biggest blessing. He’s been my right hand, my left hand and even both hands at times. He steps in when I need a break or steps away if I want some extra cuddles with my boy. Parenthood has not been easy on our marriage but it’s been more than worth it. And it has bonded us in a way nothing else could ever have. There’s no one else I’d rather have to live this wild adventure with. 
This year is also extra special because of the baby boy who made us said parents. I hate to sound cliché but I really never have known a love like this. It’s the kind that keeps me up way past my bedtime to soothe him and rock him to sleep. It’s the kind that wakes me in the middle of the night, sometimes only once and other times five. It’s the kind that makes me cry when I realize I’m living my dream. It’s the kind that makes me want to stay in together, just because. It’s the kind that knows no boundaries, limits or conditions. It’s the “love at first sight” kind of love that I never really believed in and that I now know is real. It’s the kind that pushes me and challenges me, completes me and has transformed me into my best self.

I can’t promise him many things in this crazy life but of this I am sure: no one will ever love him more. ❤