Moments of Musing

A birth story of sorts

Filed Under: Baby L, birth story, motherhood //

If you are expecting intimate details of Sebastian’s birth, I’m sorry to disappoint… that’s not what you’ll be reading here. In an age where many personal tidbits are shared over the Internet, this year I am making it a goal to try my best to limit how much personal information I share, while still being open and honest on here. So that’s what this “birth story” will be. Open and honest, but not intimate. 

During my pregnancy, my husband, Tim, and I attended birth classes. We read our recommended readings and practiced breathing techniques. We prepared for a natural birth. While I was very aware of the possibility of C-section, I kind of pushed it out of my mind. 


To be honest, I was not prepared to not deliver my baby naturally. I did not want a C-section. In fact, I did not even want an epidural. I did not want to be induced but  decided we’d figure that out when the time came based on how many days I’d gone past my due date, if so. 

In my head, the best birth was an as-natural-as-can-be (in a hospital, anyway) birth. But when my water broke after contractions had stopped, I had to be induced. When hours later, my doctor told me a C-section was most likely and my contractions were hurting, I asked for an epidural (“Why put up with the excruciating pain if I wasn’t going to driver naturally?,” I thought). When 15+ hours had passed since my water broke and Sebastian still had not descended, I was prepped for a C-section. On top of it all, nurses couldn’t find my veins for IVs, the external contraction monitors wouldn’t work well on me, and I got pink eye while in labor…

Basically, nothing had gone as planned. It was a lot to take in. Honestly, though, we were so excited that I still remained upbeat and overjoyed. I was in a pretty great mood throughout the day. 
Until I was being wheeled into the operating room and (temporarily) away from Tim (to be prepped). I broke down, admitting through tears, “I’m scared.” I was feeling so many emotions with not much time to process any of them. 

I was so exhausted from the day and the anesthesia that I almost fell asleep on the operating table. “WAKE UP! You’re going to be a mom in 15 minutes!,” my doctor excitedly yelled. As they were operating, I found out my ab muscles were (a bit too?) strong (yay?) and that the baby’s umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his neck. Maybe, the doctor said, that’s why he wouldn’t descend. 

And then, he was born. The temporary baby blues eventually followed (post to come) but in those first moments and days, I felt on top of the world. All that mattered then was that he was alive and healthy, here, and ours. That’s what mattered most. I birthed our baby boy whom I’d carried, nurtured and already loved and took care of for 40 weeks. Eventually I realized, there’s nothing unnatural about that. 






Be patient, Mama

Filed Under: motherhood //

A few days ago on a night when Seb was waking up more frequently than usual, my patience had thinned. I was exhausted and really did not want my sleep to be disturbed–again. It’s tough not being able to sleep a full night and then having to wake up and go to work for a full day. Every day. 
My husband noticed and he took over because that’s what great partners do–they pick up the slack or swoop in as needed. The next morning I was sad that I had been impatient. I felt selfish and quite frankly, like a bad mom. I often wake up every night with him so I could spend more time with him since I work so I felt guilty that I hadn’t. I hugged and kissed on him lots the next day because I always want him to know that he is so, so loved. Loved beyond measure of time and words. 
Fast forward a couple of evenings and he started babbling “Mamamama!” My heart felt like it could burst. He kept repeating it, sometimes just once. “Mama.” It’s a word I’d longed to hear. It’s a role I’ve wanted ever since I could remember. And here I am, fortunate enough to be his mama. Disrupted sleep and all. 
Then, a few nights ago, we spent the night apart from my husband so he could do some things around our home. I put Seb to sleep; changed his diapers; and did both of his feedings on my own. This time, I was almost surprised at how patient and energized I was during each feeding. My mama self showed. up. 
Basically, I think we each have to be patient and understanding with motherhood but also, and maybe especially, with ourselves. We’re human and we have needs, too. I’ve found when I’m patient with myself then I can be a better, more present and less stressed mom. I don’t have to be perfect–that’s unattainable–I just have to try my best for him and know that sometimes MY best won’t be THE best. And that’s okay. My love is always at its best, and that goes a long way.

On NOT being silent

Filed Under: politics, presidential election 2016 //

I don’t know whether it’s because I’m a mom now or because I just have a heart but when I think about the current political climate in our country, I think about the children. About whether we are being the America they deserve to live in. I think about Sebastian and what kind of mom and role model I want to be for him. And I think about the little ones in dire need who will be turned away because of the new executive order. 

Suffice it to say, what is going on in our country is not okay and I will not be silent about any of it. I refuse to be silent about things that matter. That is exactly what this new adminstration wants. And quite frankly, I never have been silent about matters of importance.

More often than not, I have chosen to speak up. I’ve been on moot court teams, have given school lessons to kids, have enjoyed public speaking and have prosecuted quite a few cases. I’ve conducted trainings and I have spoken at public events.


I’ve intervened when I noticed someone being bullied in high school. I’ve challenged those who would try to excuse their racist remarks and keep me from being offended by claiming “but you’re white,” in essence denying my Latina heritage, and that I, too, am a minority.


I’ve sat down with young men I didn’t know to try to explain the importance of education. I try to educate people about sexual assault and domestic violence, to the best of my ability. I’ve cried and screamed and protested and rallied because of injustice. 
I’ve written about my feelings surrounding the 2016 Presidential Election here. And since then I’ve protested and explained why here. I go to work everyday ready to help those in need, while brainstorming a plan of action on my own and with friends, as well. 

And despite the many statuses I’ve seen about how annoyed and tired people are of seeing political posts and protests, I’ve voiced my opinion on social media regarding the new shameful, unAmerican policies. Policies that just don’t sit well with me as a human being or my understanding of the law. I’ve gotten into heated discussions and sometimes have to take a “step back” for my own good. (To be honest, I wish I could un-read so much of what I have seen but I can’t — and I won’t forget that it was said, either.) 

I know speaking up is controversial, and even scary to some people. But staying silent in the face of wrongdoing just is not right and it is not an option for me. It never has been. It never will be. I will not cower. Not now. Not ever. 

P.S. Even Bloglovin‘ is speaking up and taking a stance. Where do you stand?

You are smart, important and (more than) enough.

Filed Under: perspective, positivity //


For as long as humans have been alive, there have been judgments made about one another. In my experience, most of the judgments people make are based on material possessions or outward appearances as opposed to character or personal information. 

In elementary and middle school, it was about who had the best name brands. In high school, it was about who was the prettiest and most stylish. In college, it was about who was the skinniest. It wasn’t until law school that I felt intelligence was really even a factor. 

Now that I’m a mom, I am more mindful of what I say. For instance, I don’t curse or call myself “fat” (as much). I constantly tell my baby boy he is loved and he is smart. I just think it’s important to hear those things. 

These days, much of our lives are now displayed on social media. And that invites comparison and critique. Well apparently, National Compliment Day occurred this week, which was a joy to see amid this controversial political time.  

On Twitter, I came across this National Compliment Day poll in which each person voted for a compliment about him or herself. Of the options, I chose “I am important.” I was pleased to see that most people did, too. More than beautiful, people seemingly valued their worth. 

My hope is that the feeling continues long after a day like National Compliment Day. I think the world could use a whole lot more self-love. And to anyone struggling with their own self worth, I want to tell you:

You are smart. 
You are important.
You are (more than) enough. 

Don’t let anyone tell you differently. 

So take that new job offer. Go on the first date. Do that challenging workout. Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself. Believe in yourself.