Moments of Musing

My Back-to-Work (From Maternity Leave) Plan

Filed Under: Baby L, motherhood, working mom //

Today is a day I’ve been dreading since before I gave birth. It’s my first day back to work following maternity leave. Instead of spending the entire day sulking yesterday, my loving husband obliged to a neighborhood family walk despite feeling under the weather, and I decorated for Halloween in hopes of lifting my spirits.  
Pretty little mums spotted during our walk
I am feeling a slew of emotions (I cried at least three times this morning) but I have decided to be proactive about this. I’ve come up with a plan of sorts to try my best to keep it together and not breakdown (too much, anyway) at work:
Breathe. Count my blessings. Having a job makes me fortunate. Working hard makes me proud. Be grateful. Paid maternity leave is unfortunately not guaranteed in the United States. At least I had slightly over three months to bond with my beautiful baby boy while still earning income. A lot of moms are not as lucky. In fact, I know some.
Be present when I am present, and try to be as present as possible when I am physically not. Stay off my laptop and cell phone as much as possible when I am home. FaceTime during lunchtime when I am at work. We’ll still be seeing each other, just sometimes it will be through technological features.
Keep everything in perspective. Remember I am working for him and our family. Though I was lucky enough to have a stay-at-home-mom, many moms work. In fact, most moms with kids under the age of 18 do.
Let myself be sad. Know that’s it’s okay to not feel totally okay about this, especially in the beginning. Let myself miss him. But also know that it will hopefully grow more routine, if not easier, with time. Don’t wallow in the sadness. 
Focus on the moments I (will) have, not the moments I’m missing. Enjoy my time with him. I will still make wonderful memories with my boy. He will not forget me. He will still love me. He will be excited when I walk in the door every day and he will still want and need his mommy at times. After all, even though I’m leaving him for the days, I’ll be in his heart all the time. I’m still mama.

What I’m looking forward to in October

Filed Under: Baby L, Halloween, October //

I’m writing this post in hopes of feeling more positive since I’ve had multiple meltdowns this week about going back to work. I don’t want to continue to lament on my negative feelings. Instead I want to tell you why I’m still more happy than I am sad for this time of year. 

We’re waiting until October, which is TOMORROW!, to get into full fall mode around our home and though I can wait for the month (it brings the end of maternity leave for me 🙁 ), I still love all the decor. 
I am excited to meet our new niece in Michigan and to experience it in the fall. I am looking forward to the change of foliage–it’s one of my favorite parts about the season. Then there’s the cooler weather. My hair stays straight AND I get to wear flannel, sweaters, scarves and boots. Win-win. Plus, dressing a baby in all of the aforementioned = all the heart eyes. 

I am looking forward to Mr. L and my dad’s birthdays, pumpkin picking and Halloween, especially as a family of three. We might or might not have already bought one of Baby L’s Halloween costumes (we totally did). We just couldn’t help ourselves and yep, we plan on dressing him up twice.

And then once Halloween has come and gone, my Christmas countdown begins. I know, i know–I’m kind of moving too fast. I reaally do want October to last but I’ve already bought the baby some Christmas pajamas and outfits because 1) I couldn’t pass up a great sale.and 2) let’s be serious, Christmastime is my absolute favorite 

The holidays are going to be so much more fun and meaningful with him.  I know, because life is so much more and meaningful fun with him in our lives.  

The end of my maternity leave is near…

Filed Under: Baby L, motherhood, working mom //

For those who know me, it should be of no surprise that I’ve already had a meltdown about going back to work. In fact, I shed a few tears while writing this.  To say I am sad is an understatement.

I am scared to miss Sebastian’s firsts. His first crawl, word, steps. 
I am worried he won’t love me as much. I don’t want him to feel less loved because I am around less.
I am anxious to spend most of our days apart. I wish I could spend more than just a few hours together during the week. My 1.5 hour commute doesn’t help much. 
I am sad that I’ll miss his good morning smiles and happy moods. I’ll most likely be leaving the house while he’s still fast asleep. 
I do hope he knows I am doing this for him. To help our little family. I hope he grows up to be proud of the mom I am and try to be. Moms who’ve gone back to work after having a baby–PLEASE share your tips! Much thanks in advance.

XOXO

Baby’s Napping Nook

Filed Under: Baby L, nursery, nursery nook //

Remember when I blogged my nursery inspiration board? Well, to say my inspiration has changed a bit would be an understatement.

I’ve yet to decide on a crib, I returned all of the owl bedding and decor, and we’re now back at square one. I’m looking into mixing and matching pieces rather than having it be matchy-matchy and all from the same bedding set. I feel better about starting with a clean slate again.  

The only thing I’ve always been sure about has been this teepee. My husband set it up yesterday and we put Sebastian to nap inside. He seemed happy when he woke up and I hope he’ll enjoy it even more as he gets older. 

I’ll be sharing my nursery nook inspiration soon, and why it’s called a nook. First, I have to decide the theme and decor… I’ve never had this much fun planning a space! Stay tuned 🙂

I’m a good mom

Filed Under: Baby L, motherhood //

I nicked the baby’s thumb yesterday while cutting his nails. He had been happy and smiley and bam! he started wailing as soon as it happened. I didn’t cry then because I knew I needed to soothe him and make sure his finger was okay. I had to keep my emotions in check.

I immediately picked him up to try to soothe him and calm him down. I knew he was in pain because he was whimpering, frowning and letting out small cries even after wailing. I then cried because I felt absolutely horrible. 
After he calmed down, I cleaned his (little) cut with water and fed him. He fell asleep in my arms shortly after. He’s laying in my arms as I write this. 
It was my first time crying with him. I didn’t cry when he wailed during his newborn blood test when they squeezed blood out of the sole of his tiny foot. Or when he wailed during his newborn doctor visits because the last thing he wanted was to be naked (to be weighed) in a cold office and was hungry. Those times, he wasn’t crying because of me, though. This time, however, was my fault.  
As I sit here with him in my arms, I realize this is a common occurrence among parents and that it might very well not be the last time I unintentionally hurt him–though I hope it is. I realize it was an accident. And that it doesn’t make me a bad mom. 
Neither does feeding him formula because I was unable to successfully breastfeed. 

Neither does having to get a C-section because I wasn’t able to deliver him naturally.

Neither does having to return to work next month to help provide for him.

I love him with my entire being. I’d give my life for him. I’m doing the best I can to be the best for him. And I think that makes me a darn good, if not great, mom.