This is a guest post by Brandy Joy Smith, a Life Coach, Consultant, and Writer who uses her voice to uplift today’s modern woman and working mother through the many transitions of motherhood.
As the mother of a mixed family, I often think about how my bi-racial children will grow up and be treated by society. Will they be subjected to the same discrimination as I did as a black woman, or will they benefit from the white-passing privileges they inherited from their father? It’s hard to say, as last year’s BLM movement created a wave of change that (hopefully) will change the course of how we deal with race issues in America and how people view their privilege. I, however, remain cautiously optimistic and believe it is more important than ever to prepare my children for whatever the future holds for them.
No matter how things may or may not change, I know that I have a responsibility to my bi-racial children — to teach them about the history of race in America and white privilege, to ensure they are surrounded by a diverse group of individuals, to make sure that they do see color, and give them the tools to prepare for an unpredictable future as a mixed-race person.
Are My Children Ready To Talk About Race?
Racial bias starts at such a young age; studies show as early as 2-4 years old. While it’s easy to say “I’m not racist,” it is slightly harder to practice anti-racism, which is an action. Speaking to this complex issue can seem overwhelming and often a topic we feel our children won’t understand or have not even begun to experience. Our children are much more capable than we often realize and are continually absorbing and taking in the world around them.
Why I Don’t Teach Colorblindness
When it comes to our kids, it is especially important that we discuss race rather than raise them not to recognize it at all. Studies have shown that children respond to racial differences as early as 3 months old. If we are not openly discussing the topic of race, kids can grow up with prejudiced ideas that lead to promoting racial inequality. Colorblindness is a privileged way of looking at things not having to identify the differences and simply dismissing them.
Visible Diversity Is Key
We hope our children will be accepting of all, and we can preach that message vocally; however, the practice or action can only occur when children are exposed to people who don’t look like them. The reality is that this kind of work starts at home with the examples that we set. If you don’t have friends of color, how do you know you truly don’t practice bias yourself? How can you challenge yourself to be empathetic of POC’s needs if you don’t have any relationships you’re invested in?
I challenge you to look at your friend circle. Do you have people of color in it? If not, why? In a time of COVID, I know this probably feels exceptionally challenging. Other ways you can show up are virtually. Join a book club, maybe even one that explores race, or find a virtual community. I’ve joined about ten Facebook mom groups, and I’ve had the pleasure of creating some very cool relationships with women all over LA. Though we all come from very different situations, we share so many similar successes and struggles. It takes a little work, but
remember those little eyes are watching you, and if they see you making an effort, chances are they will be more likely to make the same effort. The gift of diversity is one of the more expansive precious gifts you can give a child. There is so much that we have in common, and living in our bubble deprives us of seeing that.
Use Tools To Get Your Children Excited About Learning!
I know you’ve all heard me say before that being anti-racist is an action, a practice, and a commitment to lifetime learning. Now, I in no way pretend to know everything on this topic. The thing I do know for sure is that there are so many narratives and ideas around teaching this, especially to children. Where I can offer my expertise is to the communication and active listening piece. I love using tools such as Ripple Reads, a subscription-based service that sends you books as well as a workbook that helps prompt discussions between you and your children. In their words, “helping your child get excited about standing up for justice!”
Another excellent tool I use is All of Us Crayons, colors that inspire diversity and spark conversations on the many, many skin tones of the world. I’ve found this is a great way to get my children engaged in learning about race all while enjoying a creative, bonding activity. If your children are more of the TV type, there are plenty of options for educational kid’s shows, such as Sesame Street’s “The Power of We” special!
You can find so many additional resources for how to talk to your bi-racial children about race over at The Conscious Kid, an education, research, and policy organization dedicated to equity and promoting healthy racial identity development in youth. They support organizations, families, and educators in taking action to disrupt racism in young children.
I know firsthand that these conversations can be tough. Figuring out how to parent this teaching can be even harder! But, tools like these make doing the very important work just a little bit easier. I’m all for finding support that is simple and effective and will help you keep up the practice!
Raising biracial children is a truly unique experience. While it can be tough to navigate, each of these small acts does make a big difference in helping our kids to see both sides of their ethnicity and respect the long history that comes with the mixed color of their skin. Being a person of color is not limited to people who are mixed race, and with the movement towards racial justice in America more important than ever before, it’s never too early to get our children involved in the conversation.
<3 BJS
Resources: NY Times, The Conscious Kid
