Moments of Musing

Motherhood is Messy

Filed Under: motherhood //

Thank you Vanity Fair® Napkins for sponsoring this post. Take on everyday messes with Vanity Fair® Extra Absorbent Napkins!

When I was a little girl, I loved playing “Mommy” to my dolls. I always knew I wanted to be a real life mommy one day. Now that I am a mom, I admire my own mom so much more.

Motherhood is hands-down the best and most challenging experience I’ve encountered. There is nothing like it.

The love and happiness is unmatched. Heck, sometimes I think my heart could actually burst with how much love I feel. There is, however, no how-to handbook or model rules. No two days are the same and each child and each relationship with each child differs, as well. I pretty much learn as I go and hope my kids realize I am trying my best.

 If I am being honest, I am pretty hard on myself (in many aspects of life). Most nights, I silently promise myself and my kids I will try harder the next day — to be more patient, to stay off my phone more, to check my emails less. A lot of times I vent to my husband or mom and they often make me feel much better.

Still, there are times I feel like a mess, and probably look like one, too… My emotions are all over the place — happy, sad, upset, defeated, elated, amazed and in love. My wardrobe while home consists of sweats and t-shirts… many times covered in spit up. My hair is almost always in what’s been dubbed the “mom bun.” And I lose count of the number of diapers I change and/or trips to the potty I take in a day.

Mealtime is messy, too. When my toddler was younger, he would fling food from his high chair. That is something I am not looking forward to with our baby. These days, there are the struggles of figuring out what to feed my toddler for lunch and dinner. (Breakfast is the meal for which he has the widest pallet.) If I ask him, he will almost always request chicken nuggets or pizza. Both really healthy, I know. And if we try to put a vegetable on his pizza or as a side with his chicken, it will be taken off or put to the side. He’s witty. So I am constantly wondering how I could make vegetables seem more appealing to him.

During and after meal times, I am often sweeping up crumbs, reminding my toddler to wipe his face and hands, and cleaning up messes. Toddlers aren’t the neatest, in case you were wondering. Recently we used Vanity Fair® Extra Absorbent Napkins. They are surprisingly thick and soft. In fact, they are more absorbent than paper towels (when compared to the leading mid-tier paper towel brand)! I’ll take all the help I can get when it comes to keeping mealtime mess-free. Thankfully, mealtime with my little ones is a breeze with these napkins on hand.

 As for my own personal experience with the messy side of motherhood, I am learning to accept it as common and embrace it with open arms.

I know that even just caring about my kids’ happiness, teaching them things, and cleaning up their messes– makes me a good mom.

To My Second-Born

Filed Under: baby #2, Baby L, motherhood, second-born //


R,

I always knew I wanted you. Being a mom was always my ultimate life goal. Being a mom to more than one baby was always my dream. Thank you for making my dream a reality. 

I must admit, however, that I was anxious for much of my pregnancy with you. 

I was scared I wouldn’t know how to love you — not because I didn’t want to but because I was not yet aware of how much love my heart could hold.


But then with just one cry, you showed me. It just happens. Just like that. My heart instantly made room for you, as if it had that special place for you all along. 


I also grieved for much of my pregnancy with you. A special person you didn’t get a chance to meet passed just a little over a month shy of your birth. You helped me (and everyone, really) during those moments so much. You gave me hope. You gave me happiness. You taught me that life is a precious gift and you gave us all something to almost immediately look forward to. 

Despite my worries, I also felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t during my first pregnancy. 

And oh, meeting you was pure bliss. You showed me it was possible to love you just as fiercely and without bounds, as I love your big brother (oh how he adores you! We are excited to watch you two grow alongside one another.). You have also shown me that our bond would be unique to us—just as is the bond between your brother and I. And you’ve made me a much more confident mom. 

So, thank you. Thank you for being ours. Thank you for being adorable, cuddly, smiley you and making our transition to two under two easier. 

Thank you making me a better mommy and more well-rounded me. 

Thank you for making our world more complete. 

You have been a blessing and a joy. To be your mom has been a blessing and a joy. Simply put, I couldn’t imagine a life without you. 

I love you beyond time, measure and words, baby boy, and look forward to watching you grow… but feel free to take your time. Because I now know just how fast time goes and I want to cherish your baby years as much as I can. 

With a love (so much) greater than love,
Mama

‘Tis the Season… to be Present

Filed Under: motherhood, tis the season, unplug, Unplugging //

“Put down your phone. Pick up the kids more,” I told myself on Friday. 

Mom and baby, mommy, baby, Christmas lights, Christmastime, tis the season, unplug, New York christmas


Because ‘tis the season…
To be present …
To give joy …
To feel love …
To keep things in perspective.

On that note, I have decided to disconnect every weekend of the holiday season in order to savor every magical moment with my loves. (If you join me tag #UnpluggedMOM on Instagram in posts every Monday discussing what difference it made/ what you learned by unplugging!)


Personally, I originally planned to unplug from Christmas until the New Year (and still want to). On Friday, however, though I had off from my full-time job, I worked on a video project all day long. I’m talking 10AM until 5PM. I went to sleep feeling guilty. 

I felt like I’d taken too much time away from the boys. I worry they have been seeing me on my phone too much. So while I was falling asleep Friday night, I decided I’d unplug from Instagram (since it’s what takes up most of my cell use) all weekend long. Then, I woke up and decided I want to do it every weekend because it’s such a special time of year. (My big hope is I will do it most weekends of the year!)

Unplugging from social media is difficult, though, especially when it’s a form of employment. But I knew I wanted to do it. Here’s how I unplugged:
1) I decided to unplug. 
2) I publicly announced I would. I did this both to let others know and as a way of holding myself accountable. 
3) I moved my Instagram app to the last page of my home screen so I wouldn’t be as enticed. (I didn’t delete it because I didn’t want to lose my saved drafts as I have in the past.) 

Briefly, here’s what I learned:
1) Social media takes away too much of my attention from my boys, and they do not deserve that. 
2) Without it, I am able to get much more (SO much more) done. 
3) If we all were not as attached to social media as we are, there wouldn’t be such pressure to be on social media (or FOMO when not on social media) and thus, there would not be such a need to unplug. 
4) There can be a balance. I don’t have to check my Instagram DMs 10 times a day or mindlessly scroll my feed even more than that and still, I can still get work done. 
5) The more intentional I am about my social media use, the less of my time it will take and the more I will get out of it. And the less guilty I will feel. 
So, will you join me in unplugging to reconnect this holiday season? Let me know if you do!

Work-Life Balance is a Myth

Filed Under: letting go, life, motherhood, work life balance //

Fall is life’s lesson on the beauty of letting things go. In addition to a lot of old clothes, I am letting go of trying to balance everything and giving myself grace.


I write this as I am running late for work, yet again. I am grateful to work at a flexible organization that values me as an employee and respects my new role as a breastfeeding (this matters—I’ll explain why) mom to two. 

Each morning I wake up early and pump. This takes anywhere between 15-20 minutes, plus time to wash my pump parts and pack my pump. I have to get ready and sometimes nurse R so he doesn’t drink a bottle right away. 

Oftentimes, I speed walk or jog to the train. It’s my new workout routine. 

Each afternoon, I am updated on the “milk situation,” that is whether there is enough milk for R. Depending on the status, I either rush home or stay at work until my normal time. 

I do my work during my commute, while at work and sometimes at home. And I am a mom 24/7. That means I check up on the boys, schedule appointments and pump while I’m at work. 

When I am home, I have to take care of the boys, laundry, dishes, dinner and so on. 

All of this is to say: There is no such thing as a work-life balance. 

I am constantly doing something for work or my family or my home (at times simultaneously)… and oftentimes, I am forgetting something. Some days, I forget to switch the washer load into the dryer. Other days, I forget to return a phone call. The day before I wrote this post I’d forgotten to pump at work not once, but TWICE because work was hectic. By the time I realized, it was time for me to go home to relieve my mom.

I am always multi-tasking, as I know many other moms also are, which sometimes means I’m walking around tired and stressed. 

As you know, though, I’m an optimist. I like to view everything positively. And so, I always give myself pep talks. Because the reality is that things are great. My parents are an amazing support system.  My partner is very hands-on and involved with the kids and our home. And my kids are my world. When it comes down to it, I live a life I love with people I adore. 


So, sure “work-life balance” is a huge crock. But that’s okay. While I’m tired and stressed, I am  also proud to have a career I am passionate about and which allows me to contribute financially. I am blessed to be a mom and a wife and every other family role I have. And I feel fortunate to own the home that we do. I’m happy, I’m healthy, and I’m loved. That’s what matters most. 

What Working + Breastfeeding Has Been Like

Filed Under: breastfeeding, motherhood, pumping, working mom //

Today is my little milk monster butterball’s half birthday!! (Side note: the concept of time is one I do not understand)

Breastfeeding is challenging. Nursing is challenging. For me, pumping has not only been challenging, it has been difficult, especially when working. So I am ecstatic that we have reached the six month milestone for exclusively breast feeding!

While on maternity leave, I shared tips from a fellow working mom for breastfeeding moms returning to work. The tips have all proven helpful. In this post, I’m going to explain what my typical day (regarding breastfeeding) has been like since returning to work— and why I don’t really use my Willow Pump:


HOW MUCH + HOW OFTEN

To feel confident about the amount of milk I leave for R, I pump between 20-25 ounces in a 24 hour span. It’s no easy feat. Most days I scramble to pump just enough (~18 ounces) to hopefully get by without having to leave work early or arrive later.

Everyday, I wake up in the morning and pump before work—sometimes twice. My supply is best in the morning so if I was unable to pump enough the night before, I pump twice in the morning. I also try to nurse R before work so we have that connection and because it helps him go to sleep for his morning nap.

As soon as I get to work 1.5 hours later, I pump again. In total (on an ideal day), I pump three times at work (10AM, 12:30/1 PM, 3:30/ 4PM). Various factors affect this, such as meetings, events and trainings.

If when I get home from work my milk stash is not where it needs to be for the next day, I pump when I get home and/or before bed. If you’ve been keeping count, that means I pump anywhere between four-seven times a day while also nursing R before/after work and overnight.

HOW I FEEL

It. Is. Hard.

There are days I’ve been so stressed out thinking I’d have to give him formula (which I know is 100% okay since I’ve been a formula-feeding mom before).

That stress is why I don’t use my Willow Pump. I had several issues with it my very first day back at work that I still have whenever I use it: bags would fill with air so I’d be told they were full—only not with milk; the app froze so I didn’t know how much I was pumping; and milk spilled when I unlatched.

All in all, those factors caused me too much stress and I’ve since decided to lug my bigger, traditional pump to and from work daily. It just hasn’t been a good fit for me. If you can get it to work for you, good! The technology is amazing and it really does allow you to multi-task while pumping.

Needless to say, the lost sleep and stress is worth it all. The fact that my body is feeding and nourishing my baby has been a mom dream come true! I am grateful to my body, proud of my baby and proud of our milestone!