This is probably one of my more vulnerable posts and I didn’t even plan to write about this today… or any day. But writing helps me and I thought talking about this might help some of you, too. Honestly, if it helps just one of you then it’s worth it.
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I recently found myself experiencing more anxiety than usual. And then it all came to a head. I couldn’t keep it to myself because I needed to just let my feelings out. And boy did that help.
Let’s backtrack a bit to this day:
The day this photo was taken my emotions once again felt all out of sorts. As I stated, leading up to that day I had been going through a weird/tough time emotionally. I think this was due to a drastic decrease in my breast milk production so I’ve since worked to increase it again. I didn’t mean to wean, actually. Work had just gotten a bit busier and so I was pumping less (AKA not at all at work) and therefore my supply was diminishing. (I recently spoke to my doctor recently at my annual physical and she said that it is quite possible.)
I did a bit of research and stumbled upon A Cup of Jo’s blog post about her weaning-related depression. Suddenly, I felt validated. It’s not that my loved ones didn’t validate my feelings, it’s that I myself just couldn’t understand why I’d feel so nervous and down despite having it seemingly “all together” — healthy, beautiful boys; a loving and understanding husband, family and friends…
I didn’t understand it. But I knew something was not right. I felt way too sad. So that day in the above photo I also took this photo below to one day remind myself that though it sucked in the thick of it… brighter days were sure to follow.
That day was probably the worst I felt and also the last time I’ve felt that way. It felt like nothing I’d ever experienced and I’d be ecstatic to never feel that way again. Today, I am just so grateful to feel like MYSELF again. And I’m grateful for my amazing support system.
I don’t really have advice (sorry) except to say if you’re struggling, please know you’re not alone. You don’t have to carry the weight of your worries alone. Keeping everything to myself felt just like that — a huge weight and burden. It made me feel worse. Sharing my feelings with people I trust helped life the weight.
And if you struggle regularly, please know you are a warrior. If you’re feeling off, trust yourself. Take care of yourself. Do what is best for you. Find support. Reach out.
And know there are brighter days ahead. ❤️