Give yourself grace, not guilt

Last night was rough. As was the night before. I got home around 6:45PM both nights after my usual 1.5 hour commute (don’t get me started on that), played with Sebastian, ate dinner and then bam! Whining and crying time. I had such a headache/migraine and desperately wanted a nap… I swear I’m an adult…just some days warrant naps, ya know? In an ideal world anyway. I digress. A nap didn’t happen, though, because I also want to spend as much time as I can with him while he’s awake. (#workingmomproblems) 

So, a migraine + a crying baby who’s tired and teething but won’t nap + a 1-2 hour bedtime routine = 

ONE EXHAUSTED MAMA. 

Life sure is not a piece of cake. Then again, no one has ever sold me that story. As a little girl growing up, though, it seemed relatively simple in my head. A couple meets, dates, falls in love, marries, and has kids. One parent works. The other stays home. Eventually, the kids go to school, and so on. And they all live happily ever after, of course. 

If I’m being honest, which I try to always be on here, it wasn’t until college when I realized that it most likely would not happen that way for me. I just started to really set real life goals and such in college, and so I realized my life wouldn’t be what I’d pictured when I was younger (disclaimer: it’s actually been better…stressful…but definitely better). Life is complex and murky and it is so much more than a storybook fairy tale. That does not mean it’s bad–I’m not saying that. If you know me, you know I believe life is so good and that there is good all around us. 

Life’s demands do test my emotions, though. There are still days I want to stay home with my baby boy and snuggle him all day, and when I am at work I hold back tears of missing him. There are moments when I want to just go on a date with my husband but that takes much more planning nowadays. There are times I look forward to my commute so I can have some alone time and read a book. I enjoy being at work doing what I love to do. I take pride in being a “go-getter”… but then I feel sad about all the hours I spend away from home. It all comes full circle. Instead of being hard on myself for feeling these ways, however, I realize these feelings are all very normal. I’m learning not to feel bad about having feelings and taking care of my needs. 

First and foremost, I am human. And so are you. 

So, I am not a bad mom for wanting to get some extra sleep whenever I can and being stressed when I can’t. Or for wanting to excel in my profession. Or for setting aside time for my husband and our marriage. I’m not a bad wife for not having as much time for husband as I did pre-parenthood. And I’m not a bad employee for wishing I was home with my husband and son. (Neither are you!) In fact, I know I’m a good great mom, wife, etc. (You are too!) And in order to be one, I must practice self-care. I must give myself some leeway. I must recognize the importance of my own physical and emotional health and happiness. 

After all, I have to be at my best to be the best. Mom, wife, daughter, and so on. And so to every mama — or anyone, really– who is hard on her or himself while juggling life’s many demands and/or wearing many hats, I say to you: 

Give yourself the credit you deserve.

Give yourself grace, not guilt.