When my plane landed in NY last week, I just didn’t feel like I’d arrived home. I felt more like a visitor. Was it because I’d been away for a bit? Because I was living on my own with Timmy and we’d developed our own routine and such? Or because I was apart from Timmy for the first time in a while? Would it just take time to adjust to being back here?
Those were all questions I had. And then I remembered this quote and I think it explains my feelings pretty spot on:
While I felt more “at home” after waking up in my bed, I think I didn’t feel as at home when I arrived here because my life is in a different place now. I just spent two months living with the love of my life. And I’m pretty focused on getting everything together for my Chicago move. In a way, I am kind of visiting NY to get myself sorted and spend as much time with loved ones as possible.
Just because I don’t feel completely at home here anymore doesn’t mean I missed or love my family, friends, my house or NYC any less, though. Maybe these feelings are just a part of my growing up and moving on process. Maybe it’ll be easier to leave my hometown this way and, as such, the feelings are a blessing in disguise.
Or maybe — just maybe — my heart’s in too many places now to feel grounded only here anymore, and each place my heart is in is my home.
When we travel back to our hometown we always feel likes visitors. It isn't home for us anymore.
When I would visit C, every time I came back to my apartment it always felt so foreign. I'd call him to tell him that it just didn't feel "right" here. In a few nights, the feeling would pass as I slipped back into my routine. But I think it's exactly what you said, it's about where your heart is.
It's hard to feel like you belong in too many places, I totally get it. Each place you make ton of memories in becomes a home of sorts and it's hard to let that go to move on, and equally as hard to return to as it all floods back in. You'll get there! and Chicago will become home too! 🙂