The purpose of this post is to inform and empower other moms and moms-to-be about the decision to switch from their OB-GYN during, and perhaps well into, pregnancy. This is not legal advice.
“Put her on a leash and take her for a walk,” my OB-GYN said to my husband as a “recommendation” to get my labor going toward the end of my first pregnancy.
When I learned I was pregnant the first time, I went to my gynecologist, only to be told that he did not deliver anymore. I was sad because he is so friendly and funny and just overall has a very good bedside manner. So, I asked around for recommendations for doctors. My first choice did not have availability so I went to another doctor.
My experiences with my new doctor were okay…until they weren’t.
And yet, I never filed a formal complaint, though I sometimes wonder if I should have. And I remained a patient of his, even after my experiences.
After all, he delivered my baby safely, and that was most important, I rationalized.
When I got pregnant a second time, however, anxiety kicked in. After avoiding making an appointment for some time, I realized I could not be a patient of his anymore.
I deserved to be treated with respect, and my baby deserved to be checked on as regularly as necessary.
So, at 25 weeks I switched to another OB-GYN.
Now, looking back, I wish I’d switched after that leash comment was made. It was clear right then and there that he was not the doctor for me. I wish I’d felt empowered enough to make that decision even at that late hour in my pregnancy. And to this day, I wonder why so many women keep, and seemingly like, doctors who say and do inappropriate things.
I’ve personally concluded that our patriarchal society, which breeds toxic masculinity, has conditioned women to accept unacceptable behavior from men, especially those in power. Unfortunately, we do so even if it bothers us deep down. We do so out of fear of what might happen if we raise concern and/or because our culture of toxic masculinity has conditioned us to excuse inexcusable behavior, i.e. it was “a joke,” just happened once, he is otherwise fine, etc.
But we deserve better.
If you are not receiving the care you deserve, know that you have the power as the patient and mom-to-be. You are not crazy nor are you being crazy. Your feelings are valid. And you are free to choose a practitioner who makes you feel safe, cared for, and respected.
Your unborn baby deserves it.
You deserve it.
Learn more about your rights as a childbearing woman.
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