Today is a day I’ve been dreading since before I gave birth. It’s my first day back to work following maternity leave. Instead of spending the entire day sulking yesterday, my loving husband obliged to a neighborhood family walk despite feeling under the weather, and I decorated for Halloween in hopes of lifting my spirits.
Pretty little mums spotted during our walk
I am feeling a slew of emotions (I cried at least three times this morning) but I have decided to be proactive about this. I’ve come up with a plan of sorts to try my best to keep it together and not breakdown (too much, anyway) at work:
Breathe. Count my blessings. Having a job makes me fortunate. Working hard makes me proud. Be grateful. Paid maternity leave is unfortunately not guaranteed in the United States. At least I had slightly over three months to bond with my beautiful baby boy while still earning income. A lot of moms are not as lucky. In fact, I know some.
Be present when I am present, and try to be as present as possible when I am physically not. Stay off my laptop and cell phone as much as possible when I am home. FaceTime during lunchtime when I am at work. We’ll still be seeing each other, just sometimes it will be through technological features.
Keep everything in perspective. Remember I am working for him and our family. Though I was lucky enough to have a stay-at-home-mom, many moms work. In fact, most moms with kids under the age of 18 do.
Let myself be sad. Know that’s it’s okay to not feel totally okay about this, especially in the beginning. Let myself miss him. But also know that it will hopefully grow more routine, if not easier, with time. Don’t wallow in the sadness.
Focus on the moments I (will) have, not the moments I’m missing. Enjoy my time with him. I will still make wonderful memories with my boy. He will not forget me. He will still love me. He will be excited when I walk in the door every day and he will still want and need his mommy at times. After all, even though I’m leaving him for the days, I’ll be in his heart all the time. I’m still mama.
Wishing you the best day possible and that you come home to many baby snuggles!
Your huge heart and your worry about motherhood is exactly why you are the best mother that little boy could ever have. I'm not sure I believe in anything more strongly than that <3
– K
I hope you have a great day sweet friend! Sending lots of hugs your way.